The "Eye-Opener": Thursday, March 5, 2010

"All the news that's fit to squint..."
By A. Scott Walton
Don’t look now, folks… okay, just take a peek … but “Real Housewives of Atlanta” phenom Kim Zolciak (left) is pulling an Emeril. The roadside blonde has taken it up a notch by launching a new web site where you can follow her faux lesbian antics for the sake of the cameras and bay watch as she frollics in the surf for sycophant camera people…
PANTHER PARTY: Apparently, the PR bruising NFL quarterback Michael Vick sustained after being incarcerated for Federal dog fighting offenses has him feeling “black and blue”. The fleet-footed QB may have put his cleats in his mouth recently by confiding to a hip-hop radio show that he’s most interested in playing for the Carolina Panthers if the Philadelphia Eagles don’t re-sign him after his current, rehabilitative contract expires in a few months.
CABIN PRESSURE: If you’re on an AirTran flight to or from Atlanta, and the flight attendants seem a tad grumpy, they may be justified. It seems that the gals and guys in polyester flight suits are fuming over the airline’s decision to plaster the impossibly foxy image of a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue model on at least one its Boeing 737s. Heaven help any male passengers who make untoward references about “nuts”.
OWEN AN APOLOGY: Traffic backed up around your favorite Atlanta haunts? Having trouble with all the single ladies fainting in the streets? Blame it on Hollywood heartthrob Owen Wilson, who’s currently filming a romantic comedy with an improbable premise in and around town. Reportedly, it’s a film called “Hall Pass”, where the male lead gets permission from his wife to “see” other women. Yeah, right!
LaRosa Envy: Throngs of women (and men, for that matter) would willingly undergo root canals for the chance to channel their weather-casting expertise on a platform as popular as Atlanta-based Weather Channel. Those many dreams will be deferred for a while because the storm network’s just hired someone new to ‘splain why Al Gore’s climate predictions defy explanation. Maria LaRosa is reportedly pulling up her Philly roots to spice up the channel as a new anchor. Watch your back, Dagmar!